Saturn Return Can Bite Me

Blame it on Uranus:

"The Uranian individual has a strong need to forge their own path, and sometimes there is just no room to accommodate another person during the journey. There is a stubborn quality to Uranus -- as well as Aquarius, the fixed sign which this planet rules -- such that a person following the Promethean call does not want to "bend" for the sake of a partner. When you are obsessed with a singular vision and are committed to pursuing it at all costs, intimacy often falls by the wayside. Or if you are in a relationship, you may be so detached -- with your mind focused on your passion project -- that your partner would have to be so self-sufficient that your absence is tolerated or even appreciated.

You may feel so easily stifled or smothered that only an equally independent person would be an appropriate partner. You don't want to be controlled, or to have emotional demands made upon you.

Some possible chart patterns to look out for:

• Uranus in hard aspect to, or conjunct, the Sun, Moon, Venus or ruler of the Seventh House
• Uranus in the Seventh House or Aquarius on this house's cusp
• Some of these key planets in Aquarius
• Although I don't see the Eleventh House as closely associated with Uranus and Aquarius in the way that I combine Neptune/Pisces/Twelfth, a stellium of planets in the Eleventh can indicate an individual who values friendships and participation in groups more than romantic partnership.

Sounds like a good guess to me!

Part 1 of a series.

I have my planets of identity (Sun) and relationship (Venus) in my Seventh House -- plus my chart ruler is conjunct my Descendant -- so partnership to me feels like an essential nutrient. But many people prefer being alone. Is it by choice ... or inability to maintain a satisfying relationship?

Some people find that their commitment to work or a creative pursuit leaves little room in their lives for the demands of relationship. An occasional fling or one-night stand, yes -- but not the hard work that goes into maintenance.

If you work full time and then come home to churn out your novel or practice guitar, how can you also have the time and energy for another person? The more hours you spend with a partner, the less you have for your art or career. And what if you're a single parent who's hesitant to potentially destabilize your children's lives?

Some things may be more important to you than carrying on a romance. But maybe you just suck at relationships! It's important to know the difference, because permanent retreat from intimacy due to a disastrous love life should not be confused with "having greater priorities."

You can't blame the planets for your relationship life, but a look at their placements in your natal chart can indicate what's behind the difficulty with being partnered.

Neptune, Pisces and the Twelfth House all share the theme of sacrifice. If you have this archetype prominent in your chart, you may have a tendency to give up nearly everything for your partner. You idealize them or take care of them, setting aside your own needs to put them first. You might derive pleasure from giving of yourself, but at what cost? What about your dreams, your aspirations? The danger of this pattern is that you neglect your own growth by putting all your attention on someone else.

Yes, sometimes the role of the person behind the scenes -- who props up the superstar -- is essential in its own right, and you are well suited for it. But other people are simply codependent or attached to the role of the martyr. If this is you, it does not necessarily mean you are better off single. However, this is a core pattern that you may not be able to overcome by yourself. There are 12-step groups for codependents, and psychotherapy can be helpful. But you are better off being alone for a while if you cannot help but fall into the same pattern again and again. If you keep attracting losers, it could be a sign that you're sending out the wrong signals.

We've all got signs people just don't like, get along with. (Apparently with most of y'all, that would be Scorpios, but that's clearly not my issue!) Mine are Geminis and Cancers. Mainly because the Gemini friends I have had just dumped the hell out of me out of the blue- or periodically come back and dump me AGAIN. Really, what the hell? As for Cancers, home and family are the worst things in my life and my personal Kryptonite. Want to weaken me and try to destroy me? Lock me up at my mom's for the weekend. I don't know how Elsa didn't wring the neck of this guy. I cannot deal with someone whose lifeblood and soul are home and family, because I loathe that all so much. Okay, odds are they had better home and family than I did, but still, I feel like those areas of life have been poisoned for me and I will NEVER want to make one of my own.

Oh, speaking of today, I am SO not answering my phone.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Why search far and wide? Expecting the voice of wisdom to arrive in the form of an exquisitely exotic-skinned guru from a far-off land, speaking in cryptic riddles that supposedly capture the existential quandaries of life (if only you could actually understand 'em)? You've already put way too much pressure on that ridiculous need for a wham-bam, bells-and-whistles type of higher-awareness-granting event or experience… when, in fact, you're privy to just as much valuable information about your next steps from the same old familiar faces and environments you encounter every day. As I recently pointed out, the big Answers (capital 'A') can be found in the tiniest casual exchanges and the most seemingly inconsequential of moments, without any fancy terminology (or its requisite hours of study) or devout bouts of meditation (and its corresponding flickers of bright white light) required to 'make it count'. Look no further than your typical haunts and the regularly expected gang of characters. A full-moon vibe in the air will put everybody in devilishly rare form, which is also a perfect setting for folks not to watch what they say very closely. In this comfortably homey setting, amidst the cheekier-than-usual remarks and louder laughter (with maybe just a touch of controversy, all in good fun), a few choice words will find themselves uttered, perhaps by a mouth not entirely sure of what's coming out of it, and nonchalantly hit your ears with the resonance that this is exactly what you needed to hear right now. And suddenly, all at once, your mind is clear.

Well, let's hope so.

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): If you find yourself struggling to accept specific frustrations, short-term turmoil, or other headache-inspiring details that you can't stop fixating on… well, Scorpio, then you're only seeing a tiny portion of the overall picture of your life. That'd be similar to judging the value of an Impressionist masterpiece based on an out-of-context 6"x6" square of squiggly blobs of colors—short-sighted, for sure. That 'walls are closing in' feeling? Consider it the very shot of motivation you've been waiting for, Scorpio. Sometimes, we must hit our limits (or what we believe them to be, based on our limited experience) before we can boldly move beyond what's oh so stiflingly familiar. Climb a few hundred feet up the mountain, however, and the possibilities you see are so much wider in number and scope that you simply couldn't get away with looking outward and claiming to have nowhere to turn. If you believe in God, now would be a good time to ask Him/Her for a sign of what else is out there or which fork-in-the-road to take. If you see life as a journey of philosophic unfolding, remind yourself that it's impossible to lose your way, as long as you continue learning fundamental truths about what does and doesn't work for you and applying 'em to your decision-making process. Whatever it requires of you, look past the hassles. The irritations might just provide the fiery impetus that sparks your quest for the next exciting chapter.

I don't know if there was some astro-wacky going on or not, but Sunday was pretty well disastrous. I was with my mom and with her friend, who is a chaos magnet like myself. Well, her chaos magnet meter went off BIG time on Sunday and she was having a big meltdown. She is apparently worse than I am on those days. I will try to avoid people and detox as soon as I can, but she stayed right in the thick of people most of the day...and scared the living shit out of them. I saw her son at his job around the middle of this day and I overheard him saying that he was glad to be at work today. Oh yes.

There was an innocent bystander around when she got chaos-magneted (her car key inexplicably disappeared for hours and turned up where nobody expected it), and he kept saying this was like the Twilight Zone. I said that for chaos magnets, that's just like, Tuesday for us. Common.

At the time of the key-losing, I was the one staying calm. My mother was the problem solver, and her friend was just totally losing her shit. I stayed calm because for once the shit wasn't hitting me.

Later on that day, the two of them accompanied me while I went camera shopping, as the friend had a place in mind to go shop at. They had the camera I wanted at the price I wanted, which was fine. But the friend was still in snapping turtle mode and she scared the crap out of the poor guy at the counter, who had already been having a bad day BEFORE we all came in and really trashed it.

After we left the friend behind, clearly she passed Snapping Turtle Mode on to my mom, because SHE proceeded to go ballistic on salesclerks. It was one of those "well, the lady saaaaaaid" situations- which is to say, if lady at store A tells you something is true, it turned out NOT to be true at store B, and shouldn't have been done at store A either. I found this out and was polite and went away, but my mom went ballistic in their faces. And in mine (I'm talking waving her hand in my face and yelling at me to shut up here). Classy! In the end, she STILL didn't win the argument at all, but said that when she was around her friend she felt like she had to stand up and fight. Meanwhile I was all, "Um, we can't fix this today, we can fix this at another time with the right paperwork, why don't we just LEAVE?"

Then she proceeded to suck me dry for hours. I love how someone's bad mood gets passed along like a cold, doesn't it?

Not related to any major themes around here of late, just interesting reads.

This made me laugh:

"Mars is still conjunct Saturn so lots of restriction. I guess you might say it is possible to chat while hanging from your cross, yanno?"

I can't say I am all yay about those particular aspects going on going into this weekend (have to be around Mom again)...we're "getting along" for now but I expect explosion. Especially since Mars/Saturn somehow always seemed to be a "Katie Kaboom" sort of thing in the family.

And this is interesting: an Aquarian who somehow always blows it when s/he makes it to the first flute chair:

Regardless of its nature, when you have a pattern this well established it’s a safe bet you are going to have to work very hard to change it. It’s as if you have cut a path and you can be sure to fall right into it every time… if a struggle for consciousness is not made. As to the specifics of what is driving all this, I can see a couple components right off the bat.
First you have Venus in Capricorn, which gives an innate feeling of unworthiness as well as both a fear of failure AND success. This is probably subconscious to a degree but you can see it play out in that you make sure one way or the other that you do not hold that top position.
Now you also have Mars in aspect to Neptune, which tends to dissolve the drive when a person does not act consciously.  For example, your music did not arrive on schedule, but why not go hunt it down?
If you can focus on and resolve just these two things, you would be well on your way to solving your problem and I can also tell you that that victim position will never, ever, ever  work.  In other words, your “close but no cigar” pattern is not due an oppressive force outside yourself.

Following up on this idea, first by seeing who I've already mentioned on here.

• Venus Williams. (Can't say I know squat about her love life, though.)
  
• Angelina Jolie. Well, we all know her history...in and out of relationships, at least one drastically older man involved in one of 'em. NO freaking inhibition anywhere that I can see. I wouldn't figure her for a V/S at all, really.
• This guy, who I analyzed already. Again, he manifests multiple interests (again, how?!), but does have the V/S going on in his "I'll never love truly again" and liking of older women.
• Tim Gunn. Hasn't had a relationship since the 80's. This fellow's the V/S poster child even worse than I am.

Here is a good list of famous V/S people. Hm, who do we have?

• Venus conjunct Saturn: Hank Aaron, Ian Scott Anderson, Ray Bradbury, Edgar Cayce, Richard Chamberlain, Bill Gates, Steffi Graf, Lena Horne, Ashley Judd, Julianne Moore, Kim Novak, Yoko Ono, James Spader, Gloria Steinem, Donald Trump.
• Venus in Hard Aspect to Saturn: Squares - Oppositions - Clint Eastwood, Billy Ray Cyrus.

Interesting read.

I am probably more than just a bystander in this.  That is, it’s occurred to me that he cannot go any further without me. He has already gone as far as he can go without me and vice versa. It just takes both of us to fulfill the destiny.  So here I am signed on and guess what? I feel as daunted as I ever.

It is not enough to make me turn away though. I’m convinced if I turn away I will be right back where I am eventually. In a week? In another 28 years? In another life?

Good topic!

You may have an intellectual understanding of your natal square or opposition -- and it's all well and good to say, "I'll just channel this energy into a healthier behavior that's still 'true' to the meaning of the aspect" -- but how exactly do you do that?
Say you have problematic behaviors that you repeat over and over. You may be continually drawn to addicts or abusers or moochers, or find yourself in friendships with women who try to top you or steal your boyfriend, or you get love addicted over and over, driving past your boyfriend's house six times a day. It doesn't matter what the pattern is, so much as this: as hard as you try to change your behavior, you just can't make much progress. You've tried psychotherapy, self help books ... the list goes on. Is it the power of the planetary aspect, or the fact that the more you repeat the pattern, the more your neural connections get reinforced? If you keep riding in the same groove, it becomes more and more difficult to forge a different path.
One solution is to look at the many permutations or expressions of an aspect. Take the two planets involved in your challenging aspect, and draw two columns. Under each planet, write down every possible meaning associated with it. You can match every manifestation in Column A (say, Venus) with every manfestation in Column B (Saturn). [I learned this two-column technique from Sue Tompkins in Aspects in Astrology. (See page 63 of Element Books, 1989.) You can buy a book like Key Words for Astrology (by Hajo Banzhaf and Anna Haebler) to use as a reference.] Inevitably, you will find "healthy" and "unhealthy" manifestions of every aspect, since every planet has its light and dark side. For example, "steady, serious commitment in relationship" can be an asset, while "witholding affection" is a liability. Is recovery as simple as choosing a "healthy" combination of influences and then forcing yourself to change your behavior to be in alignment with that expression?
The problem is that many of us don't have the vocabulary to change our behaviors. To use the Saturn-Venus example: it's one thing to be committed to a partner, it's another to actually make that work, especially if you keep sabotaging your relationships by not telling your sweetie you love him, or by being rejecting or cold. You just can't help yourself!

Okay, I have to give big props for him just admitting that the code word solution isn't as easy as it sounds!

I am definitely not prone to being rejecting or cold IN relationships. I act this way towards crushes where it's obvious they aren't mutual, but I don't exactly see that as a bad thing. I'm definitely in for the committing when there's mutual like, though.

On the other hand, Venus Saturn usually seems to amount to me not picking men well (still haven't figured out how to fix that, 'cause dating people I don't like was definitely not working), ones that will reject me out of the blue after presumably being happy for awhile, not liking people in the first place, and I am definitely intimidated when it comes to saying that I have a problem with something. (I'd like to think that I've gotten over that one, seeing as I am not having that problem too often with non-romantic relationships any more. But I haven't exactly tried testing that in romantic ones, so who knows?)

It's just kinda hard to pick keywords here.

Anyway, back to the post:

Here are some tools to help you find a way out:

• Psychotherapy. I'm biased, because I earned an advanced degree in counseling and was in therapy for many years. If you are with a very good psychoanalytically-influenced psychotherapist, she will not just listen to you talk about your problems -- she will bring attention to the relationship in the room, i.e., the one you have with her. Inevitably, whatever problems you have with people in the "real world," you will bring into the psychotherapeutic relationship. You will (unconsciously) try to get her to treat you in a specific (familiar) way, one that is usually based on your relationships with your primary caretakers. Through studying the dynamics in this relationship, you have the potential to heal these patterns, partly because she does not respond the usual way to whatever behaviors you use to elicit, say, abusive or patronizing behavior from her.

• Study the natal charts of famous people who have similar aspects to yours. If you have access to a database like AstroDataBank, you can sort by aspects, and find, for example, many famous people who have (or had) Venus in hard aspect to Saturn. Read their biographies, identify this archetypal pattern and see how they dealt with it. (I will admit that I have not practiced what I preach here, but I think it can open up possibilities for you.)

• Engage in healing or spiritual modalities that are congruent with the outer planet in your natal aspect. Pluto is in my First House, and I have found that Plutonic practices are healing for me. I cannot articulate exactly how they have transformed my life, but I do know that if I were not doing them on a regular basis I would be much worse off than I am now! Two practices that have worked for me are Holotropic Breathwork and the Five Rhythms. I have been doing the latter for about four years, and I truly believe I am honoring Pluto by totally letting go and surrendering to whatever sh*t needs to come out (over the course of 2 hours of intense movement). Other Plutonic practices might include shamanism or magick. Uranian practices might include being a riot grrrl or activist, creating shocking art, using technology (hacking, virtual worlds) to alter your state of consciousness, inventing. Neptunian practices can include meditation, selfless service, chanting, the use of music/art/film/hallucinogens to transform your consciousness.

Heh. I dunno how shocking my art is.