14 posts tagged “moon”

Heh.

At first I was all, "Eh, y'all are just wigging out over nothing."

Then I thought about how my week's gone:

• got back from vacation
• had a stressful work week (for a change, my job usually isn't)
• got sick.

Oh, wait...

Heh. Neith, like me, has a LOT of Saturn shit.

In related news, I'm reading Elsa again and the comments here get interesting. Especially the chick who's tired of Elsa talking about her boyfriend all the time. (To which I say, well, I've been there and done that at times in my life, but it is her blog and she can write what she wants, and she writes about relationships, and what's under her nose right now...so...skip reading for awhile?) But really, here come the Venus Saturn folks...

• "Yes, I believe Love is great and it is the highest joy one can experience. Will I have it in any lasting form?

  No.

  And as a Scorp w/ Cancer Moon and a Cancer Descendent… you can just imagine how I ache for a place to rest my head and call home…and feel safe…and protected… and unconditionally loved.

  But alas, I have Saturn opposition Venus, an empty 7th house & my Venus is in Sag.

  Apparently the universe doesn’t think I need a stable, lasting relationship. Um, OK. Thanks Universe! Too bad I’m too sensitive to endure this.

  It’s brutal. I have intense, very short love affairs that I unconsciously destroy or the Universe destroys for reasons unbeknownst to me.

  It’s fate.

  And yet, I need love like I need air…but it just slips right through my fingers…
  And it’s too painful to keep starting over since I’m apparently doomed due to the Saturn opposition."

• "You are not doomed..What you are looking for you just haven’t found yet…I have always thought saturn venus contacts showed stability..But stability doen’t come easy and all of us have a different definition of it.

  My version of it is owning my own place that I can alway run home too if things get weird even if its only for a day..IT WASN’T A MAN PROVIDING THAT FOR ME EVEN THOUGH I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT Was..Even when I had that I NEVER FELT SAFE..

  You just need to really think about what it is your looking for. You are the only one who can make you feel safe..That really is the truth…"

He's got a Mars/Saturn/Moon/Venus of OUCH. 

brought to you by Hillary.

Notice that her Sun is in the sign Scorpio. Notice that the Moon’s south node is also in Scorpio. Remember, when you see the Sun near one of the Moon’s nodes, that means there’s an eclipse or two in the vicinity. The impression I get from reading her natal chart is that this is not the person she was when she was born. She has, in her life, gone through a series of metamorphs that have changed her on an essential level from one shift to the next — but at the same time, she is able to maintain the image of someone who is consistently always herself.

The frightening thing is you never know who is behind that facade — and I gather that she doesn’t know either. The Pisces Moon is the most compelling astrological archetype I can think of for not being sure who one is. Indeed, it changes so often, and so unpredictably, that it would be hard to keep track of; but, if there are strong aspects, it’s possible to learn. But Hillary’s Moon makes only one aspect: to Juno. Her husband. Billy boy. And though Hillary is allegedly a kind of feminist icon (not!), let me say this somewhat politically incorrect thing: she would be nobody without him. He is the mission, the purpose, the idea. She is already clinging to the edge of reality, even with him there. But there is no question that she needs him to define her purpose and give her a solid reference point in the universe.

She has the image of stability, of stasis, but in truth she is the Human Earthquake.

Hello, my name is Jennifer, and I am a massive ball of Taurus/Leo/Scorp fixed sign stuff, and I CAN'T DEAL WITH CHANGE.

Let's just get that out in the open, shall we?

Here's how my day has gone. No family fighting, for once, but that's because my mom is going out of town. Local drama is going down, though.

I am in an organization that I cannot get to without assistance, as it is not located remotely near public transport. I used to get rides over with friends, who all moved out of my area. A year or so ago, I finally found someone living in my town who wanted to join the group, so I rode along with him.

For the last six months or so, I have had the impression that this fellow wanted to/was going to drop out of the group. He was having a rough time in it, he didn't exactly have spectacular attendance (and this is someone who, from my previous experience of him, is not flaky like that), and his excuses for not wanting to go got lamer and lamer. And finally, he had something bad happen to him at the last meeting that made him want to officially drop out. I can't blame him for this at all, because if I had that going on, I would drop out too.

So basically, I knew this was coming. KNEW THIS.

In the meantime, an opportunity has come up for me to join a similar group, which is located in my town and would not require me to find a ride out to meetings. (The folks in the group all have the same lack of transport issue, as far as I can tell, so they weren't joining group #1.) So I joined it, knowing that odds are I was going to have to leave group #1. I think there are enough people in the group who sound like they're permanent locals (this town has a LOT of flakes, which is why my attempts to start a local group with the people I met previously have fizzled yearly) for it to last awhile.

So technically speaking, this shouldn't be A Big Deal, right? I knew it was coming, I've had six months to get used to the idea. I've been talking about dropping out of it as a part of my future for most of that time. I've even managed to find another place for me to go to.

So why the hell do I feel like crawling under my desk and hiding, not to mention that I kind of want to go out and get drunk, now that the hammer has finally come down?

I'm sad about losing my friends in group #1, who I will see either never again or about once a year if I don't go to their turf. There is that. They're a spectacular group of people. But other than that, hell, this frees up more time in my schedule. Group #1 has "every other weeknight" meetings that make it difficult to schedule anything else on that night, and I've been trying to work around that for 2 1/2 years. Group #2 has meeting times that are more flexible, and that so far I can generally make meetings on unless I'm out of town. The folks there seem nice. There are some advantages to this.

And yet, I am still inwardly cringing and feeling sick and having a hard time trying not to feel that way. It doesn't help either that the fellow mentioned that he also got laid off from his job (we work in the same general location), which suddenly makes me feel all paranoid for myself, even though I work in one of those highly necessary areas that's about as layoff-free as anyone is likely to get in this day and age. I know it's dumb, but hearing of anyone else's makes me have flashbacks to the last recession when it was me.

I don't make changes unless they are thrust upon me, which this one was. About the only change I choose on my own are what activities to do. Somehow it doesn't bother me to choose to make a change when I decide to fill up my schedule, but to lose something from it (that doesn't have a natural ending date, but was thrust upon me) bothers the crap out of me.

I am already nervous about the fall because due to policy changes, I may be forced out of my longstanding volunteer job that I love doing. Like the above example, I have been working behind the scenes to cover my ass and find another way to work there if I'm no longer allowed to volunteer. All things considered, I've covered my ass nicely on that, so I should still be able to get all of the benefits of volunteering WHILE DOING LESS WORK (and getting paid in an imaginary way on top of that), if I am forced out. Plus it would free up another weekday night that I've had issues scheduling around for years. None of that is bad. And yet, I CRINGE at leaving volunteering too.

Hell, I'm still cringing at dropping out of a group (call it group #3) that I wanted to join and had to drop out of because it conflicted with volunteering and I couldn't find a way to make the two work.  And I'm cringing at dropping out of my weekend dance class. Mind you, (a) the class ENDED because I was the only one who hadn't dropped out of it besides the instructor, (b) the instructor has now started his own studio, and (c) the reason I am no longer taking from him is because he's moved the class from running once a weekend day to three times on weekday nights, and that kind of scheduling is just really bad for me. I didn't even choose to drop him, I just didn't re-sign up. And yet I feel TERRIBLE about that and am still trying to figure out some way to free up weeknights in order to go, though at the moment this doesn't appear to be working too well.

So. I can add, JUST DON'T SUBTRACT ME, DAMMIT.

All summer, I have been whining that I want to make some changes in my life (not scheduling ones, life goal ones). But I'm not quite unhappy enough to want to throw everything to the winds and bail. It's my heavy Saturn issues- I feel like I should have to endure and that bailing out is NOT an option. I can't just cut and run free of chains. I have to stick with whatever I am already burdened with.

If you ask Elsa, fixed signs are hopeless at this. (Or at least, that's my impression from reading this:)

Those are all fixed signs - so basically you’re not going anywhere until and unless you decide to move, which will probably take an act of God.

So far, no act of God is stepping in here. I don't think I want to ask for one, because that tends to mean something like "your home will be flooded and THAT will make you change. Bwahahahah, bitch!". I'd rather have some kind of miraculous inner sea change, but is that likely? No.

But even beyond that, making changes- even semi-minor ones thrust upon me- makes me feel sick.

Astro.com, on Saturn square Uranus:

This aspect may be expressed in another way, as a tension in your life between personal freedom and authority or sense of duty. One part of you is always trying to toe the line set by others, while another part wants to break free. Usually you feel that you can fulfill your obligations only by giving up personal freedom. It is difficult for you to be yourself, do what you want to do, and at the same time do what you have to do. Rebellious behavior, along with a tense and grudging acceptance of your duties, are characteristic of this aspect.

Yup.

I can't say I've had much in the way of manifestation working for me this month (ugh), but today I'm thinking on these subjects and guess what gets posted on the Internet, another fixed sign person with that problem. Alas, they didn't seem to elaborate on what their problem was, so Eric theorized it was a parent issue. Whee, Moon/Saturn!

His suggestion:

I suggest you talk about all the most difficult things first, which means finding someone to talk to about them. There are probably a lot of very bright people in your circle of friends, but you have to find someone with whom you have no fear and who you know will not abuse the power you give them by divulging everything, and I do mean everything. A very open minded therapist would be a great start — preferably somebody without a Ph.D., unless of course you trust and adore that person. Whoever it is, you need to choose a therapist you want to become like, because that is basically what happens.

Hm. Well, I already do that. I just...need to go beyond that point, I think.

Heh. I just finished this, hit post, and then went on to find Roger Ebert having the same issue:

I was surprised how depressed I felt all day on July 21, when Richard and I announced we were leaving the "Ebert and Roeper" program. To be sure, our departures were voluntary. We hadn't been fired. And because of my health troubles, I hadn't appeared on the show for two years. But I advised on co-hosts, suggested movies, stayed in close communication with Don DuPree, our beloved producer-director. The show remained in my life. Now, after 33 years, it was gone--taken in a "new direction." And I was fully realizing what a large empty space it left behind.

Oh, that empty space. Even if I cram it with something new (as I always do at the first damn opportunity- every time something ends, my next season becomes filled with activities), it bugs me.

I get really, really annoyed at hearing, "The Moon in your chart is your mother, that's what your mother was like." Or alternately, "The Fourth House is just how your home life was like."

Um. NO. Not for me, anyway. My mother is not remotely Sagittarian when it comes to nurturing. Other than being talkative, that's about it. We didn't travel a lot, we were not an intellectual family, we were not weird (I have an Aquarian 4th house) in upbringing. My home was NOT free-wheeling or intellectual or roam-y. I came out like that, but nobody else was. So while that might be how I end UP, in a free-wheeling intellectual house, that's NOT where I come from. At all.

Found this and thought, "Finally! That explains everything!"

Sagittarius moon people have need for attention, support and social interaction from their loved ones. Their mothers kept the focus of the family on themselves, so consequently the fire signs expect the same for themselves. They are great fun to have around, but the upkeep is sometimes more than other people can handle.

Um, yeah. Especially the mother bit (see below):

Pisces moons, have need for emotional support and intimacy that most people have a challenge providing. Their emotions run scary deep and they think in terms of emotional content instead of the intellectual. Relationship with mom is complicated and fraught with emotional perils. Then you meet her and find she is a perfectly delightful individual. The water sign moons need harmony in their home life to function properly. Continual upsets and disruptions in routine will make them a basket case. They fall in love with love quite often, thinking they need a partner. They do need a partner, to keep feeding them love and kisses so they can venture out into the cold cruel world. If you love one of these moons, you enjoy the absolute wholeness of total love surrounding you, but you also get to experience total misery when you do not give them what they want.

Oh lord yes, that's mine right there.

Brangelina, that is.

I'm surprised to hear that she's got Venus Saturn- given how she hops in and out of relationships, that did not at all seem likely to me (other than finding Billy Bob hot *shudder*). And together there's Venus/Moon and Venus/Saturn oppositions...oof.

• House 1 placements:

A person with the Moon in House I has known considerable personal recognition in previous lives, the memory of which can come through into the current incarnation as a strong desire for renown. Only the overall pattern of the chart will show whether this yearning can be fulfilled. The position of the Sun indicates the area of life in which the person will need to excel in this lifetime.

In the absence of the real thing, people with the Moon in House I tend to settle into a Walter Mitty kind of existence in which they become the centre of a universe of their own creation. Those who do become accomplished some area or another, however, are usually able to use the past life memory to present themselves with great effect.

Hah. Yeah, I do the Walter Mitty thing...mainly because with my Saturn in tenth, I have no idea how to do it for real.

• House 2 placements:

When the dissolving effect of Neptune is experienced in H2, this materially focused house, the result can be heightened sensitivity to psychic energies. People with Neptune in H2 frequently have clairvoyant abilities, especially if the Moon is also present in this house. 

That explains a lot... (My moon is right on the cusp of house 1-2) I always wondered where that came from.

• House 10 placements:

Saturn in the 10th House is the planet of Karma in its Own House. Unsurprisingly its effect on a person’s life is very pronounced. The sign and position of the Moon will shed light on why there should be such a need to have to struggle against an undertow which threatens to pull down all-a-person builds in his life, and which is resisted only by constant effort, self-discipline and sound judgment. Saturn in the 10th House, as the lives of Hitler and Napoleon demonstrate, does not rule out eminence and acclaim but it means that a person will face the consequences of all he has put into motion during his lifetime.

A person with Saturn in H10 frequently starts life with obstacles blocking his way, including a father with a negative and critical attitude to the child or the marked absence of a father figure during the formative years. Either way the child’s self-confidence is seriously undermined. If the father is absent the child frequently feels a sense of shame and un­worthiness for which he may attempt to compensate by achievement. Alterna­tively there may be insufficient self-confidence for him to make anything other than the most hesitant of progress in a career. Amongst those who do strive to succeed, it is notable that they commonly become disillusioned with their choice of career at the point when they are in sight of the glittering prizes, or suffer professional disgrace. Either way they are perceived by others as having ‘blown it’.

Argh...

• House 12 placements:

With Pluto in the 12th House consciousness is opening up to a power which can 'will into being'. Pluto in H12 has access to the Creator’s power and the purposes to which he will use it will reflect his level of development: he can manifest what he lusts after or he can will into being what he knows to be of benefit to mankind. For whatever he brings into being he will be held directly responsible.

I keep getting stuff about manifestation in my card readings in the last few months. I don't know what to make of it. I'm very nervous about trying it... (see below)

A person with this placement of Pluto frequently knows much cruelty and abuse in childhood, be it of a physical, emotional or mental kind, and the perpetrators are usually the parents or guardians who have power over the child by virtue of their custodial role. From them the child has little opportunity to escape at the physical level and in order to get away he forces open a shutter in the mind which gives him access to enormous psychic power.

Okay, I dunno about that "forces a shutter open in the mind" and "enormous" thing, but... the rest of it, yeah.

It is the law of the 12th House that for what is denied at the physical level is compensated at the immaterial.

The power of a person with Pluto in H12 is most readily evidenced by their often unconscious use of what has become known in New Age circles as Creative Visualisation: if he can hold an image or picture an outcome and give it his emotional energy he can bring it into being.

Too bad I suck at mental pictures. I am attempting collage in order to get around this.

When used consciously, Pluto in H12 gives a person great charisma and the ability to make others into the agents of the outworking of his will. The responsibilities of this are enormous and the karma incurred through the use of the power conferred by Pluto in H12 is unlikely to be burned off in the course of a single lifetime. A person with this placement, if he is to work consciously with his powers, needs to be able to recognise and resist the voice of his desire nature.

Eeeeeek.

From here:

Saturn's conjunction to both of the female planets -- Moon and Venus -- doesn't make this any easier. You're not so secure in your ability to keep a relationship going and get your needs met, and this feeling often results in a certain coldness, or at least a difficulty in expressing affection. The Moon rules Cancer (where your Sun resides) and Venus rules Libra (Pluto's position at your birth), so Saturn's conjunction to the dispositors of your Sun-Pluto square just adds more weight to these issues.

Currently, you are in your Saturn Return, when the planet of maturity returns to the position in the zodiac where it was when you were born. The Return is the end of youth and the beginning of adulthood. It is time to face mortality, accept responsibility, and take on commitments. As Venus is natally conjunct your Saturn, the Return affects Venus as well, contributing a sense of gravity to your love life. The end of a relationship can feel like a test, and you're wondering whether you should accept your ex's departure or pursue her.

You may want to sit September out: once transiting Venus has moved direct and returned to its natal position in late Leo, and once Saturn has firmly moved into Virgo, signaling the end of your Saturn Return. Take this time to think about where you're going with your life, and how you can fit a relationship into it. Can you offer your Scorpio ex what she needs? Some time alone may give you the answers.