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    <title>Saturn Return Can Bite Me</title>
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    <updated>2009-05-26T22:04:33Z</updated> 
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    <id>tag:vox.com,2006:6p00c2251c2bfa604a/tags/saturn+uranus/</id>  
    
    <entry>
        <title>This Saturn-Uranus thing is getting old for me</title>   
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        <published>2009-05-26T21:20:16Z</published>
        <updated>2009-05-26T22:04:33Z</updated>
    
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        <blockquote><p><em>&quot;<a href="http://www.astrobarry.com/2009/may2009.php">Somehow, juggling flaming swords while maintaining the proper
posture needed keep a book atop our heads, we must follow a complex
blend of opposing bits of advice.</a> Keep it together, while
ripping it apart. Follow the rules, yet at the same time, rewrite the
rules. Maintain consistency, without forgetting to try something new.
And, of course, respect authority… except when that &#39;authority&#39; has
lost sight of its moral roots, at which point, </em><em>overthrow it by any means necessary.</em></p>

<p><em>Is it any wonder so many of us feel stuck between a rock and a hard
place, trying to figure out whether to give that same old thing another
shot or to throw in all our tiles and start from scratch? I&#39;d be lying
were I to assert there&#39;s any easy answer to all of this.</em></p><p><em>Looking comprehensively at one&#39;s birthchart can help provide more
detailed information about where to opt for careful conservation and
where to bust out liberation-style. Houses that oppose one another in a
chart always reflect complementary themes—and if Saturn&#39;s in one, then
Uranus has got to be in the one directly opposite it. Therefore, say
that Saturn&#39;s hitting your 2nd house, which deals with your personal
resources, finances and that which gives you a sense of stability and
security in your life. Uranus must be lighting up your 8th, where we
merge our resources with someone else, in passionate and/or
complicated psychological interrelations, unable to easily discern what
belongs to whom. That would tell you to be super-diligent about
preserving what&#39;s yours (Saturn in 2nd), since you&#39;ll probably be
shaking things radically up in terms of your most intimate partnerships
(romantic, professional or otherwise). Another example: Uranus in the
1st means your immediate personality is undergoing major reinvention…
which also means Saturn&#39;s in your 7th and, as part of this reinvention,
you&#39;ve got to be very responsible about who you maintain close
one-on-one relationships with, and how you do it.</em></p>

<p><em>Get the picture?</em></p>

<p><em>Envision this tug-of-war transpiring across two corresponding areas of your life.  The goal, tricky as it sounds, is to </em><em>not let either side win.
When the rope is pulled taut from both directions, the tension produced
is actually a healthy creative one. Should one team, Saturn </em><em>or
Uranus, become distracted or fatigued, the other team will take unfair
advantage and yank its selfish principles to victory. Regardless of
which planet is permitted to win, the other will be collapsed in the
mud, dirty and cranky and discouraged. And believe me, you want neither
Saturn nor Uranus to be disrespected.&quot;</em></p></blockquote><p>Looking at this, I have it in the eleventh (Saturn) and fifth (Uranus). Which are empty houses for me, yay, so I dunno if I can blame any drama on this specifically tying to my planets.</p><p>However, I will look up some info on those house placements, since this seems like a good idea.</p><p>Saturn in eleventh:</p><blockquote><p><em><a href="http://lessons.astrology.com/course/show/Beginners-Astrology/559-Eleventh-House-Saturn-Transit">A new inner direction takes hold, and becomes a plan for action.</a></em>


	</p><p><em>As
Saturn comes into and passes through your Eleventh House, you should,
by this point, be actively listening to the inner message that began
reaching you as Saturn moved into the Tenth House. Above all, this
inner message brings something new into your life, perhaps more of a
feeling or tone… or a simple vibration, but something that your whole
being resonates to. More than anything, this new experience is
something of a vision. Many see a whole new life plan at this point.</em></p>


	<p><em>A
vision is an experience or insight we have that is more real or
important to us than the rest of our life surrounding it, both before
and after that event. In a moment of vision, we take into ourselves or
absorb seminal information that is more than we can simply understand
with our mind. It may take weeks, months, or years to decipher and
realize what it means. It is analogous to what we read about in some of
the sacred texts, where they speak of receiving a secret scroll into
the mind, and reading (understanding) it over time. We take in a
vision, and we bring it to mind, again and again, until we have
absorbed its content, until we understand it.</em></p>


	<p><em>Saturn’s
transit of the 11th house is a time when we are fueled and fired by
something coming from within our own mind and self, an idea, thought,
plan – a strong stimulus or message of some kind. And in this house,
that original stimulus or insight turns into a plan, some attempt on
our part of implement whatever idea is moving us, and make it real.
“For spirit must be made to matter,” is a line I wrote years ago that
describes what I am getting at here. We are inspired or driven to
design a plan to make our inner vision real, to make it matter in our
day-to-day life.</em></p>


	<p><em>And to do that, we look everywhere around
us for help, for anyone willing to move these plans forward. In this
sense, we are very community minded, not particular about who can help,
but embracing all and any means to make these dreams real. Here we are
perhaps at our most visionary or altruistic, way beyond any selfish or
personal motives, and sincerely making an effort to help make something
happen.</em></p></blockquote><p><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=TS3XvM78FsUC&amp;pg=PA159&amp;lpg=PA159&amp;dq=uranus+transit+fifth+house&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=3gCNG0e0ca&amp;sig=OzDP3DxleB4F_4C6U9t8_NpO4FY&amp;hl=en&amp;ei=W2YcSq7CGqDYswPE7r3bCA&amp;sa=X&amp;oi=book_result&amp;ct=result&amp;resnum=1#PPA159,M1">Uranus in fifth:</a><br /></p><p>
    
    
    
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        </content> 
    <category term="saturn" scheme="http://fullmoon.vox.com./tags/saturn/" label="saturn" /> 
    <category term="uranus" scheme="http://fullmoon.vox.com./tags/uranus/" label="uranus" /> 
    <category term="saturn uranus" scheme="http://fullmoon.vox.com./tags/saturn+uranus/" label="saturn uranus" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>Astro-Barry and prophetic urges</title>   
        <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="Astro-Barry and prophetic urges" href="http://fullmoon.vox.com/library/post/astro-barry-and-prophetic-urges.html?_c=feed-atom-full" />  
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        <published>2009-03-25T18:51:17Z</published>
        <updated>2009-03-25T18:51:17Z</updated>
    
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        <p>Doing a little catch-up on reading his overall weekly chats. There will be tons of whining within.</p><p><a href="http://www.astrobarry.com/2009/mar1709.php">Sneak previews:</a><br /> <blockquote><div><br /><p><em>As I&#39;ve observed how this <a href="http://www.astrobarry.com/2009/mar109.php">Venus retrograde</a> is hitting the charts of my clients, I&#39;ve been letting them know they&#39;re presently getting a </em><em>sneak preview of what&#39;s coming down the pipeline in 2010 and beyond.</em></p>

<p><em>Venus&#39;s retrograde through Aries carries her over the same steps
that both Uranus and Jupiter, in conjunction with one another, will
soon be following.</em></p>

<p><em>And you can&#39;t find a more potent astro-symbol of hot, fast, sudden and abrupt </em><em>change than a Jupiter-Uranus conjunction in Aries, headed our way next year.</em></p>

<p><em>Those most impetuous impulses you&#39;ve recently experienced, then,
tempting you toward some wild-and-crazy entrée into a new world (new
job! new relationship! new place to live! a whole new life!) aren&#39;t
entirely without merit. They point to a hot-button issue that will,
over the next year or two, increasingly compel you to take a gutsy
risk—one that affirms you&#39;re spunky and spirited enough to </em><em>choose your own freedom—regardless of whatever other collateral disarray your personal uprising will leave in its wake.</em></p>

<p><em>Hell-bent on &#39;holding it together&#39;?  Committed to preserving the status-quo?  This Jupiter/Uranus-in-Aries energy is </em><em>not
one to mess around with. It&#39;ll take out an entire city block, if that&#39;s
what&#39;s required to shake you out of complacency and liberate your
spirit. Between now and 2011, you </em><em>will change that
dramatically. We all will. If you don&#39;t spread your wings and fly away
from the nest, then the almighty hand of some secretly benevolent force
will </em><em>push you out.  Which way will </em><em>you have it?</em></p></div></blockquote><div><p>And this is where I&#39;m ah...metaphorically losing it entirely. (I just restrained myself from using a bodily function example. Why be that gross?)<br /></p><p>I am having the urge to find a more artistic job. I&#39;ve been doing my current one for six years or so now and I like about everything there BUT what I do on a daily basis any more, which has gotten more rote and less fun. <br /></p><p>Problem being, it&#39;s not like I&#39;m going to get hired to do crafts or write any more. My former industry is flushing down the toilet, as are all writing jobs as far as I can tell, which is why when I got booted out in the last recession, I switched to doing something more stable. Of course, I live in one of the more budgetarily fucked states to boot (then again, the only state I hear that wants to hire people any more is North Dakota, and uh...no.) That sort of thing doesn&#39;t exist as a stable job with health insurance either. I volunteer at the lone artistic place I know of with insurance, but very few people get paying positions there (I am actually not legally allowed to be paid by them and I do two jobs there!), and I&#39;m not qualified for any of the two paying jobs that exist there now. <br /></p><p>And that&#39;s pretty much my sticking point. Nasty health conditions run in my family and I am butt-terrified of getting diagnosed with one someday and not having insurance. Yeah, sure, I could get away with getting some individually now, but that won&#39;t last forever. <br /></p><p>I keep coming back to the same problem: If I want to work in something more artistic, I&#39;m going to HAVE TO, NO EFFING CHOICE ABOUT IT, be an entrepreneur. There is no option for stability and safety out there WITH artistic fun, short of marrying for money (and despite my Jupiter in the 8th house, I don&#39;t think I&#39;m going to be managing that). And with all my heart and soul, I don&#39;t WANT to be the one financially in charge. I&#39;ve made attempts at starting my own business for years and my heart is not in the business end. It kills the fun entirely for me and even when I made money, I didn&#39;t enjoy it and felt crappy about it. And if you have your own business, no &quot;must take you&quot; insurance for you, baby. <br /></p><p>I cannot see any way around the have to&#39;s of this, because our world doesn&#39;t work in any other way. And I am PRACTICAL (Taurus), and I can&#39;t just be all airy-fairy pie in the sky &quot;follow your dreams like a scampering puppy&quot; here. <br /></p><p>And given the timing of this, it&#39;s just really, REALLY bad to not be able to come up with any kind of practical anything. The only talents I have in the world are not in the slightest bit valued, are &quot;frills,&quot; and are the first thing to get booted in a &quot;everyone hunker down and sit in the dark so as not to pay the electric bill&quot; world. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.<br /></p><p>I would much rather hold at status quo. That was my life plan after getting booted from the &quot;dream&quot; job. Well, I should say that that was my plan (such as it is &#39;cause I can&#39;t really make plans) before I got the &quot;dream&quot; job as a fluke, and I pretty much planned all along to endure at a day job and then use the money to do my own thing on my own time.</p><p>I am pretty pissed knowing that in a year or two or three (at the very least in 2013, transiting Uranus hits my sixth house around my birthday. Gee, THANKS) I will be forcibly booted out. <br /></p><p>I mean, I guess it&#39;s better than getting booted right here and now. I have maybe a year or more to plan ahead. I just...can&#39;t come up with a plan! Nothing works on a practical level for this! I keep reading entrepreneur blogs and I truly do not get how they can think like this and somehow make money. <br /></p></div><blockquote><div>

<p><em>We&#39;re not at that peak moment yet, alas. Eternally grateful as we
are to astrology for its ever-present heads-ups, we see we have a good
year or so before such choices will be made for us, should we refrain
from making them ourselves. In this interim, blessedly, await countless
chances to pick the option that&#39;ll </em><em>leave you feeling pumped up, energized and 110% alive over the other safer possibilities.  The more audaciously you base your decisions on that spark of what is personally true for </em><em>you
(though it may baffle those around you who don&#39;t understand), the less
pressure from having ignored your inner insight will have built up
inside you…and the less likely your 2010-11 version of &#39;hot, fast,
sudden and abrupt </em><em>change&#39; will destructively blindside you.</em></p>

<p><em>The temptation to bust out and embrace impulsivity, which is
currently being dangled in front of you by Venus retrograde, may be
enough to kick-start the bolder among us on this voyage to fresher
pastures. Including both the pre- and post-retrograde shadows, this
period from February through May 2009 is dripping with circumstances to
suit our personal whims on the spur of the moment…and if we grab those
shots when they appear, launching a cascade of one snap decision
fueling the next, we&#39;re carried off into that &#39;whole new life&#39; before
we get the chance to determine what&#39;s hit us, and away we go!</em></p>

<p><em>You are right to be scratching your head, of course, since Venus retrograde supposedly </em><em>confuses our ability to discern &#39;golden goose&#39; from &#39;fleeting folly&#39;.  If we opt for the impulsive </em><em>now, aren&#39;t we gambling with the possibility that what we so heatedly desire is, in fact, </em><em>not what we imagine it to be…and that, in the end, we&#39;ll be disappointed?</em></p>

<p><em>No question about it: Yes, it&#39;s a gamble. There are no guarantees as
to what&#39;s behind the mystery door—only the knowledge that, if you do
indeed feel moved to open it but are simply too fearful to let yourself
proceed, you&#39;ll </em><em>always wonder what was there.</em></p>

<p><em>And if instead you </em><em>go for it, only to find you just sold your farm for a handful of beans, all hope needn&#39;t be lost.  Maybe they&#39;re </em><em>magic
beans, which you never would&#39;ve wound up with if you hadn&#39;t taken the
initial step. Maybe they&#39;ll grow into a giant beanstalk you can climb
up, carrying you to the </em><em>next mystery you&#39;ll encounter. Or
maybe, in the momentary sorrow following your immediate disappointment,
you&#39;ll come across someone compassionate to your plight…and the two of
you will fall madly in love. Who could know in advance? There&#39;s only
one way to find out: by </em><em>doing.</em></p>

<p><em>This current phase confronts us with both the pros and cons of
making split-second, impulse-driven decisions to suit our own
self-directed preferences. In an instant, we can turn left instead of
right and alter the whole destiny of our existence. That weightiness is
sometimes sufficient to </em><em>paralyze us, in worry that we haven&#39;t
properly analyzed the relative benefits of the leftward and rightward
avenues. Yet, no matter our careful analyses, we </em><em>still can&#39;t
know what&#39;s behind the next curve—even if we have a detailed map, we
cannot account for adverse weather conditions or other acts of fate.</em></p>

<p><em>How bravely we&#39;re willing to march on now, when we aren&#39;t sure where
each additional step is carrying us, will only assist us in treading
the ever-more-unfamiliar ground that lies ahead. By mid-2010, when both
Jupiter and Uranus converge in Aries—in opposition to Saturn </em><em>and in square to Pluto—we&#39;ll encounter a similar-but-more-dramatic need to proceed against a backdrop of </em><em>truly foreign terrain.  In such settings, our in-the-moment instincts are all we&#39;ve got.</em></p></div></blockquote><div><p>I feel sick. I do not know how to balance the Saturnian practicality with the Uranian ZANY GO FOR IT SCREW PLANNING-itis.&#160; I don&#39;t even HAVE Virgo or Pisces and I feel the dilemma.<br /></p></div></p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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        </content> 
    <category term="taurus" scheme="http://fullmoon.vox.com./tags/taurus/" label="taurus" /> 
    <category term="saturn" scheme="http://fullmoon.vox.com./tags/saturn/" label="saturn" /> 
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    <category term="jupiter in eighth house" scheme="http://fullmoon.vox.com./tags/jupiter+in+eighth+house/" label="jupiter in eighth house" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>Today&#39;s Mystic Medusa</title>   
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        <published>2008-10-31T20:34:31Z</published>
        <updated>2008-10-31T20:34:31Z</updated>
    
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            <name>fullmoon</name>
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        <p><a href="http://www.mysticmedusa.com/scripts/blog_post.asp?id=2008-10-3020:32:06">Well, this is cheering, for what it is:</a></p><blockquote><p><em>Oh it&#39;s such fun how Venus squares BOTH Saturn and Uranus on Monday,
sort of helping to personalise the whole Saturn Vs Uranus opposition
via our own relationships...<br />
In case it helps to imagine these inner archetypes facing off - Saturn
is the Sage &amp; Uranus is the Sacred Clown. Saturn is the Status Quo
and Uranus is &quot;the status wot?&quot; iconoclast, genuinely amazed that
anyone would even give a f**k. Saturn is your sometimes quite helpful
inhibitions. Uranus is audaciously creative. Saturn is the quiet
satisfaction of having gotten your taxes done. Uranus is the joy of a
sudden hare-brained bolt of brilliance from out of nowhere. <br />
Saturnine relationships are often duos who do well at work together,
quiet and stable, getting off on the mutual reliance, sense of safety
and shared opinions. Uranian relationships cause lots of w.t.f? moments
from friends, if not actual tut-tutting. They&#39;re unconventional, growth
stimulating &amp; ludicrously good fun. <br />
Saturn is society standards and expectations. Uranus is individuation
&amp; following one&#39;s own instincts. Obviously, either principle taken
to extremes is awful: The juice-less, dry old voice of outmoded
judgements. The total whack-job gibbering in the street. Uranian
brilliance built on a foundation of homage paid to Saturn is amazing.</em></p></blockquote>    <p style="clear:both;"> 
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    <category term="saturn" scheme="http://fullmoon.vox.com./tags/saturn/" label="saturn" /> 
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    <category term="venus uranus" scheme="http://fullmoon.vox.com./tags/venus+uranus/" label="venus uranus" /> 
    <category term="saturn uranus" scheme="http://fullmoon.vox.com./tags/saturn+uranus/" label="saturn uranus" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>The Saturn-Uranus opposition</title>   
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        <published>2008-07-27T18:31:51Z</published>
        <updated>2009-08-24T05:47:44Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>fullmoon</name>
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        <blockquote><p><em><a href="http://jeffreykishner.com/astrology/love/2008/07/how-saturn-uranus-opposition-will.html">&quot;This aspect will correspond with significant changes throughout the
world -- especially in the realms of technology and politics -- but it
may also have personal significance for you.</a></p><p><strong>How will Saturn-Uranus affect me?</strong></p><p>Elsewhere on this blog, I&#39;ve discussed the respective influences of Saturn and Uranus on Venus. Both <a href="http://jeffreykishner.com/astrology/love/2007/07/honoring-saturn-and-venus.html">Venus-Saturn</a> and <a href="http://jeffreykishner.com/astrology/love/2008/02/venus-uranus-and-threat-of-infidelity.html">Venus-Uranus</a>
aspects can correspond with problematic love lives, as either there&#39;s
not enough affection or one doesn&#39;t want to stick around for the same
&#39;ole thing. Well, imagine have </em><em>both at the same time!</em> <ul><li><em>Part of you craves stability while the other needs to shake things up. </em></li><li><em>Whatever feeling of security you&#39;ve built&#160; threatened by a contradictory desire to throw out the rule book.</em></li><li><em>Your pursuit of exciting sexual encounters seems thwarted at every turn.</em></li><li><em>Unconventional expressions of sexuality are met with stern reprimands or even punishment.</em></li><li><em><strong>Another person can &quot;take on&quot; one of these archetypes</strong>,
either repressing (Saturn) you or disrupting (Uranus) your life. In
other words, you could embody Uranus while a parnter goes all Saturn on
your ass, or vice versa.</em></li></ul><p><em>This opposition won&#39;t affect
everybody&#39;s love lives: these planets will need to make an angular
relationship to an important planet in your natal chart. Currently,
Saturn is in Virgo and Uranus is in Pisces (both mutable signs), and
soon they will ingress (move) into cardinal signs Libra and Aries.
Their contacts are as follows:</em></p><ul><li><em>November 4, 2008 - 18 degrees mutable (Saturn direct, Uranus retrograde)</em></li><li><em>February 5, 2009 - 20 degrees mutable (both planets direct)</em></li><li><em>September 15, 2009 - 24 degrees mutable (Saturn direct, Uranus retrograde)</em></li><li><em>April 27, 2010 - 28 degrees mutable (Saturn retrograde, Uranus direct)</em></li><li><em>July 26, 2010 - 0 degrees cardinal (both planets direct)</em></li></ul><p><em><strong>How to tell if these aspects will personally affect you</strong></em></p><p><em>If
you have key planets in late mutable signs or early cardinal signs,
then your love life will not be the same once this aspect has had its
way with you. The mutable signs are Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and
Pisces, and <em>the key degree areas are pretty much the last fifteen degrees of these signs</em>. The cardinal signs are Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn, and <em>the key degree areas are the first five degrees of these signs</em>.
(I am highlighting the conjunction, square and opposition aspects to
your natal planets. The Saturn-Uranus opposition may also make &quot;soft&quot;
aspects -- the sextile and trine -- to one of your natal planets. Also,
Saturn or Uranus may fall in one of your sex/relationship houses, or
make an angle to your Ascendant.)</em></p></p></blockquote><p>Hm, that leaves me out entirely. Uranus is transiting my fifth house, but since the fifth and eleventh houses are empty for me, and I have very few mutable planets, and none of them in the later degrees....nope. Around the 2010&#39;s it&#39;ll hit my nodal axis, but...</p><p>I&#39;m kinda disappointed. I could use a shakeup in that direction...but then again, in my chart Saturn beats Uranus into submission every time, so probably not.<br /></p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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    <category term="saturn" scheme="http://fullmoon.vox.com./tags/saturn/" label="saturn" /> 
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    <category term="saturn uranus" scheme="http://fullmoon.vox.com./tags/saturn+uranus/" label="saturn uranus" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>I cannot deal with change.</title>   
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        <published>2008-07-24T21:53:33Z</published>
        <updated>2008-07-28T17:03:08Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>fullmoon</name>
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        <p>Hello, my name is Jennifer, and I am a massive ball of Taurus/Leo/Scorp fixed sign stuff, and I CAN&#39;T DEAL WITH CHANGE.</p><p>Let&#39;s just get that out in the open, shall we?</p><p>Here&#39;s how my <a href="http://www.elsaelsa.com/archives/2008/07/24/astrology-today-clan-in-an-uproar/">day</a> has gone. No family fighting, for once, but that&#39;s because my mom is going out of town. Local drama is going down, though.</p><p>I am in an organization that I cannot get to without assistance, as it is not located remotely near public transport. I used to get rides over with friends, who all moved out of my area. A year or so ago, I finally found someone living in my town who wanted to join the group, so I rode along with him. </p><p>For the last six months or so, I have had the impression that this fellow wanted to/was going to drop out of the group. He was having a rough time in it, he didn&#39;t exactly have spectacular attendance (and this is someone who, from my previous experience of him, is not flaky like that), and his excuses for not wanting to go got lamer and lamer. And finally, he had something bad happen to him at the last meeting that made him want to officially drop out. I can&#39;t blame him for this at all, because if I had that going on, I would drop out too. </p><p>So basically, I knew this was coming. KNEW THIS.</p><p>In the meantime, an opportunity has come up for me to join a similar group, which is located in my town and would not require me to find a ride out to meetings. (The folks in the group all have the same lack of transport issue, as far as I can tell, so they weren&#39;t joining group #1.) So I joined it, knowing that odds are I was going to have to leave group #1. I think there are enough people in the group who sound like they&#39;re permanent locals (this town has a LOT of flakes, which is why my attempts to start a local group with the people I met previously have fizzled yearly) for it to last awhile. </p><p>So technically speaking, this shouldn&#39;t be A Big Deal, right? I knew it was coming, I&#39;ve had six months to get used to the idea. I&#39;ve been talking about dropping out of it as a part of my future for most of that time. I&#39;ve even managed to find another place for me to go to. </p><p>So why the hell do I feel like crawling under my desk and hiding, not to mention that I kind of want to go out and get drunk, now that the hammer has finally come down? </p><p>I&#39;m sad about losing my friends in group #1, who I will see either never again or about once a year if I don&#39;t go to their turf. There is that. They&#39;re a spectacular group of people. But other than that, hell, this frees up more time in my schedule. Group #1 has &quot;every other weeknight&quot; meetings that make it difficult to schedule anything else on that night, and I&#39;ve been trying to work around that for 2 1/2 years. Group #2 has meeting times that are more flexible, and that so far I can generally make meetings on unless I&#39;m out of town. The folks there seem nice. There are some advantages to this. </p><p>And yet, I am still inwardly cringing and feeling sick and having a hard time trying not to feel that way. It doesn&#39;t help either that the fellow mentioned that he also got laid off from his job (we work in the same general location), which suddenly makes me feel all paranoid for myself, even though I work in one of those highly necessary areas that&#39;s about as layoff-free as anyone is likely to get in this day and age. I know it&#39;s dumb, but hearing of anyone else&#39;s makes me have flashbacks to the last recession when it was me. </p><p>I don&#39;t make changes unless they are thrust upon me, which this one was. About the only change I choose on my own are what activities to do. Somehow it doesn&#39;t bother me to choose to make a change when I decide to fill up my schedule, but to lose something from it (that doesn&#39;t have a natural ending date, but was thrust upon me) bothers the crap out of me. </p><p>I am already nervous about the fall because due to policy changes, I may be forced out of my longstanding volunteer job that I love doing. Like the above example, I have been working behind the scenes to cover my ass and find another way to work there if I&#39;m no longer allowed to volunteer. All things considered, I&#39;ve covered my ass nicely on that, so I should still be able to get all of the benefits of volunteering WHILE DOING LESS WORK (and getting paid in an imaginary way on top of that), if I am forced out. Plus it would free up another weekday night that I&#39;ve had issues scheduling around for years. None of that is bad. And yet, I CRINGE at leaving volunteering too. </p><p>Hell, I&#39;m <em>still </em>cringing at dropping out of a group (call it group #3) that I wanted to join and had to drop out of because it conflicted with volunteering and I couldn&#39;t find a way to make the two work.&#160; And I&#39;m cringing at dropping out of my weekend dance class. Mind you, (a) the class ENDED because I was the only one who hadn&#39;t dropped out of it besides the instructor, (b) the instructor has now started his own studio, and (c) the reason I am no longer taking from him is because he&#39;s moved the class from running once a weekend day to three times on weekday nights, and that kind of scheduling is just really bad for me. I didn&#39;t even choose to drop him, I just didn&#39;t re-sign up. And yet I feel TERRIBLE about that and am still trying to figure out some way to free up weeknights in order to go, though at the moment this doesn&#39;t appear to be working too well.</p><p>So. I can add, JUST DON&#39;T SUBTRACT ME, DAMMIT. </p><p>All summer, I have been whining that I want to make some changes in my life (not scheduling ones, life goal ones). But I&#39;m not quite unhappy enough to want to throw everything to the winds and bail. It&#39;s my heavy Saturn issues- I feel like I should <u><em><strong>have to</strong></em></u> endure and that bailing out is NOT an option. I can&#39;t just cut and run free of chains. I have to stick with whatever I am already burdened with. </p><p>If you ask Elsa, fixed signs are hopeless at this. (Or at least, that&#39;s my impression from reading <a href="http://www.elsaelsa.com/archives/2008/04/02/her-gemini-boyfriend-is-great-except-for-her-has-another-girlfriend-astrology-based-advice/">this:</a>)<br /><blockquote><p><br /><em>Those are all fixed signs - so basically you’re not going anywhere
until and unless you decide to move, which will probably take an act of
God.</em><br /></p></blockquote>So far, no act of God is stepping in here. I don&#39;t think I want to ask for one, because that tends to mean something like &quot;your home will be flooded and THAT will make you change. Bwahahahah, bitch!&quot;. I&#39;d rather have some kind of miraculous inner sea change, but is that likely? No.</p><p>But even beyond that, making changes- even semi-minor ones thrust upon me- makes me feel <em>sick</em>. </p><p>Astro.com, on Saturn square Uranus:<br /><blockquote><p><span style="font-family: arial, verdana, geneva, helvetica, sans-serif"><span style="font-family: arial, verdana, geneva, helvetica, sans-serif"><span style="font-family: arial, verdana, geneva, helvetica, sans-serif"><span style="font-family: arial, verdana, geneva, helvetica, sans-serif"><span style="font-family: arial, verdana, geneva, helvetica, sans-serif"><br /><em><span style="font-family: arial, verdana, geneva, helvetica, sans-serif">This aspect may be expressed in another way, as a tension in your life between personal

freedom and authority or sense of duty.  One part of you is always trying to toe the line

set by others, while another part wants to break free.  Usually you feel that you can fulfill

your obligations only by giving up personal freedom.  It is difficult for you to be yourself,

do what you want to do, and at the same time do what you have to do.  Rebellious

behavior, along with a tense and grudging acceptance of your duties, are characteristic of

this aspect.</span></em><br /></span></span></span></span></span></p></blockquote>Yup.</p><p>I can&#39;t say I&#39;ve had much in the way of manifestation working for me this month (ugh), but today I&#39;m thinking on these subjects and <a href="http://planetwaves.net/pagetwo/2008/07/22/reader-questions-location-and-how-to-shift-patterns/">guess what gets posted on the Internet, another fixed sign person with that problem.</a> Alas, they didn&#39;t seem to elaborate on what their problem was, so Eric theorized it was a parent issue. Whee, Moon/Saturn! </p><p>His suggestion:</p><blockquote><p><em>I suggest you talk about all the most difficult things first, which
means finding someone to talk to about them. There are probably a lot
of very bright people in your circle of friends, but you have to find
someone with whom you have no fear and who you know will not abuse the
power you give them by divulging everything, and I do mean everything.
A very open minded therapist would be a great start — preferably
somebody without a Ph.D., unless of course you trust and adore that
person. Whoever it is, you need to choose a therapist you want to
become like, because that is basically what happens.</em><br /></p></blockquote><p>Hm. Well, I already do that. I just...need to go beyond that point, I think.</p><p>Heh. I just finished this, hit post, and then went on to find <a href="http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2008/07/the-balcony-is-closed.html">Roger Ebert</a> having the same issue:<br /><blockquote><p><br /><em>I was surprised how depressed I felt all day on July 21, when Richard
and I announced we were leaving the &quot;Ebert and Roeper&quot; program. To be
sure, our departures were voluntary. We hadn&#39;t been fired. And because
of my health troubles, I hadn&#39;t appeared on the show for two years. But
I advised on co-hosts, suggested movies, stayed in close communication
with Don DuPree, our beloved producer-director. The show remained in my
life. Now, after 33 years, it was gone--taken in a &quot;new direction.&quot; And
I was fully realizing what a large empty space it left behind.</em><br /></p></blockquote>Oh, that empty space. Even if I cram it with something new (as I always do at the first damn opportunity- every time something ends, my next season becomes filled with activities), it bugs me.<br /></p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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